Coin tosses

Back when he was still doing stand-up, Bill Cosby had a joke about historical coin tosses:

Some of the ones he mentioned:

British vs. Americans 1774
British lose the toss and are forced to wear bright red coats and march out in the open in straight lines. The Americans get to hide in the trees wearing clothes to best conceal their appearance as they practice guerilla hit and run battle tactics.

Custer vs. Sitting Bull 1876
Custer loses the coin toss. His army waits at the bottom of a hill as all the Indians in North America come stampeding over them.

I'd like to add:

French Canadians vs. Americans 1813
Americans lose the coin toss, French Canadians get support of Native Mohawks and 1,630 French Canadians and Mohawks sucessfully stave off an invading force of 4,000 Americans attempting to invade Canada at the Battle of Chateuguay on October 25, 1813. Over 150 years later Mayonaisse companies are still rejoicing in the boon in sales this victory later yielded in the Montreal area alone, let alone the rest of Quebec.

Billy Goat vs. Chicago Cubs 1945
In their first World Series appearance since 1908 the Chicago Cubs forbid a wealthy fan from bringing his Billy Goat to game 1 of the 1945 World Series. The owner of said Billy Goat puts a curse on the Cubs saying that not only would they not win the 1945 World Series, they'd never play in a World Series again... So far the Cubs appear to still be the losers.

Boy Scouts vs. Girl Scouts
Boy Scouts lose the toss, Girl Scouts get to sell a variety of tasty cookies... The Boy Scouts sell overpriced "gourmet" popcorn

George H. W. Bush vs. US Congress 1991
Bush loses the coin toss and is forced to raise taxes breaking a campaign promise leading to his squandering of a 90% approval rating and losing his re-election bid to Bill Clinton.

George Hamilton vs. Robert Duvall 1990
Duvall loses the toss and is replaced in the third and final Godfather installment by the perpetually grinning and tanned George Hamilton. It could be argued that those who paid to see this film also lost as they were subjected to a sub-par excuse for a sequel in what had otherwise been a brilliant series of films.

Sean Young vs. Michelle Pfeiffer 1990
Young loses the coin toss (and arguably her mind) and instead of playing Catwoman in Batman Returns is forced to humiliate herself by showing up dressed as Catwoman in a helicopter to tell Tim Burton that she IS Catwoman. Her career is yet to recover from this lost coin toss.

Al Gore vs. Katherine Harris 2000
Gore loses the coin toss and instead of delivering State of the Union addresses to the American people for the next four years he instead finds himself delivering State of the Union addresses to his bathroom mirror every morning as he shaves.

Democrats vs. Republicans 2008
Republicans lose the coin toss and are forced to run a crotchety old out of touch senator (as opposed to any one of a number of younger, better-spoken, and more "in touch" other candidates) for president against a younger, more appealing and photogenic (albeit inexperienced) Democratic challenger.

Classic movies

I've been taking the opportunity to catch up on old movies I've wanted to see (thanks to the public library). Today as I lunched I watched the Jimmy Cagney classic The Public Enemy (1931). There was a grittiness to it, and the fact that the violence was never actually shown made it that much more graphic. The filmmakers of that era knew that the human imagination was capable of conjuring far more troubling images than they could ever dream of. So all the violence is inferred or implied.

Cagney was f*cking brilliant. There's a scene where he angrily smashes a grapefruit into the face of his love interest. That says so much more in one short scene than many movies say in their entirety today.

Other movies that the local library has that I plan on renting and viewing:

The Sheik (1921) - Rudolph Valentino
Son of the Sheik (1926) - Rudolph Valentino
Robin Hood (1922) - Douglas Fairbanks
The Saphead (1920) - Buster Keaton
Scarface (1932) - produced by Howard Hughes
The Shop Around the Corner (1940) - Jimmy Stewart and Margaret Sullivan
Roman Holiday (1953) - Gregory Peck & Audrey Hepburn

Random Thoughts and observations

1. Several years ago (either the late eighties or early nineties) the slogan for Toyota was "Who Could Ask For Anything More?" In the mid-late nineties Edwin McCain released the song I Could Not Ask For More. With that in mind is McCain writing about a woman or is he a satisfied Toyota owner with an unnatural affection for his vehicle of choice?
2. In 2006 Survivor (remember them?) released their first new studio album since 1988's Too Hot to Sleep. The album is pretty good, or at least it would have been had it been released in 1989, or maybe 1990 at the latest. An album released in 2006 should not sound like it was released in 1989 or 1990.
   
3. I'm currently on another of my Australian music binges. Lately I've found myself listening to Crowded House, The Cruel Sea, Australian Crawl, and a handful of other distinctly Australian bands. I've come to find that there is something about Aussie music that sounds "different" than similar music from the United States. And while it does sound similar, there is something about it that's distinctly different. Oh, and much of it is pretty damn good-- many of us North Americans are missing out.
4. Over the weekend I rented and watched 10,000 BC. 2 Observations. The leading lady in the film whose name I don't currently know had/has some of the most strikingly beautiful eyes I've ever seen. AAAAAnnnnd, the film was not at all what I was expecting, the only reason I kept watching through to the end was because of the leading lady with the strikingly beautiful blue eyes. Oh and there's some decent violence but it wasn't "ultra" violence and there was no Ludwig van... so Malcolm MacDowell would not have approved.
   
5. I'd like to start a presidential campaign a la Richard Pryor's mayoral campaign in Brewster's Millions-- "Vote for None of the Above!" McCain's 2008 Presidential platform is a bit different than his 2000 Presidential platform so there's no telling which McCain we'd actually get and Obama's lack of foreign policy and military experience has me rather leery. Regardless of whether or not we should have gone to Iraq in the first place, we're there now. If we leave before the job is done, chances are we'll have to send our kids or grandkids over to clean up the mess we'd create by pulling out too soon. In other words going in may have been wrong, but pulling out too soon is wrong too... and last I checked 2 wrongs still didn't/don't make a right.
   

Well I didn't see my shadow but I'm still going to dip back into my hole for a spell.

Cheers!

On Heath Ledger

I remember the first time I saw 10 Things I Hate About You as a video rental back in 1999 (and to think that now VHS tapes are essentially antiques). Ledger's big introduction to the American public and thinking to myself, "This guy can do a lot better than this!"

And the thing is, time and time again-- he proved me right. Each movie seemed to be a step up from his last. Most folks laud him most for his performance in Brokeback Mountain but there are a couple of moderately obscure Aussie films that I much preferred over his Brokeback Mountain performance... Maybe it's just me but in that film-- in each and every scene he sounded as if he was talking with a mouthful of marbles... Is that how cowboys really talk? I thought it was more of a caricature of the perception of how they talk. I found it rather off-putting.

My favorite Ledger film (although certainly not his best performance), was in a little-known independent Aussie dark comedy called Two Hands. The film had a rather Australian sense of humor that did not translate well with American audiences, but left me in stitches. One scene in particular-- a bank robbery gone horribly awry. The cops shoot out the tires on the getaway car so the robbers carjack a businessman who happens to have a bumper sticker of the local radio station on his car. That very station is playing in the car as they make their getaway on a high speed chase. Meanwhile that radio station is doing a special contest where they give $10,000 away to the first car they see with the radio station's bumper sticker... That car happens to be the very one the bank robbers are using as their getaway car... And ironically that $10,000 is exactly how much they were trying to steal from the bank. The film also stars Bryan Brown whom some of you may remember as the older bartender from Cocktail or possibly as the photographer love interest of Dianne Fossey in Gorilla's In the Mist.

The other film of note that I'll always associate Ledger with is Ned Kelly, a biopic of Australia's most notorious bushman-- their equivalent to America's Jesse James or Billy the Kid-- although he's more of a cult-hero than the anti-heroes that James and Billy the Kid later came to be. There have been several films about Kelly over the years. Perhaps the most famous, prior to this one is from the early seventies and features Mick Jagger in the titular lead role. Jagger may be one mean singer and entertainer... But a good actor he is not-- not by any stretch of the imagination. Ledger's performance is leaps and bounds beyond his predecessor in that role.

With that in mind, I'm looking forward to this summer's release of The Dark Knight which many close to the film have said features the role of Heath's career-- The Joker. Initially I was really skeptical of Ledger in this role, I was hoping for Adrian Brody quite honestly. But from the trailers and clips I've seen, Ledger nailed the part-- a much darker and more sinister Joker than Jack Nicholson's rather cartoon-ish but well played caricature of that role.

While I'll wonder what other great performances we'll be deprived of as a result of a young talent being snuffed out well before his time, I'll continue to enjoy the fine roles he did grace us with in his all too short life.

Say what?

Last week I was in Ottawa on business. Some non-work highlights/observations from the trip:

1. My hotel was walking distance from the Byward Market area. There are a lot of cool restaurants in this area.
   
2. The panhandlers are a bit pushier/more aggressive than in Chicago. There's an air of world-weary defeat in many of the panhandlers in Chicago. In Ottawa they were coming up to me and were quite persistent. I'll give money to street performers and what not, people who do something to "earn it." Accosting me as I'm trying to walk into a pub for a quick pint is NOT the way to get money out of me. This was one of the only downers of the trip.
3. Ottawa is beautiful in the fall. Driving on Colonel By Dr. along the Rideau Canal with the fall foliage was rather breathtaking. I've been to Ottawa several times, but this was the first time I'd ever been there in the fall.
   
4. I tried Haggis for the first time at the Highlander Pub. I absolutely loved it! It helped that it came with a dram of Scotch. And the nice smooth malty Scottish beer (Caledonian 80 Shilling) certainly didn't hurt either.
5. I have a new favorite beer (see above)! Caledonian 80 Shilling is the nectar of the Gods. It was the smoothest beer I've ever had and easily the best tasting as well. Sadly this wonderful brew is not available in the U.S. so I will have to imbibe of it on my visits north of the border.
   
6. I tried Ethiopian cuisine for the first time as well. My friend, Erin, drove over from Montreal and we celebrated our respective birthdays on Wednesday evening-- mine on Thursday hers was on Friday. After dinner we went to the Highlander pub and I introduced her to Caledonian 80 Shilling. Her assessment was similar to mine. Scorpios of a stinger stick together (or something like that), I guess.
   
7. Unrelated to my trip... Over the weekend I was channel surfing and noticed that on ABC Family they'll be showing Poltergeist. Is it just me or is there something peculiar about Poltergeist being a "family film?" Many of the people who starred in the first 2 films died shortly thereafter or even during the filming. And the subject matter isn't exactly what I'd want any kids I know to be exposed to. That being said, it could have been worse, they could have been showing Poltergeist II, which imho is MUCH creepier than the first one (in particular, the late Julian Beck as Kane was far creepier than Freddy or Jason could ever dream of being-- his very brief performance exuded a much greater menacing evil than all of the Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street movies COMBINED).
   

Fully Clothed Thursday Randomness

1) Target store brand orange pop. On the can it reads: "Contains natural and artificial flavors." But it also says "Contains 0% Fruit Juice." So where do the "natural" flavors come from? Did they zest an orange into the soft drink?

2) I've come up with 2 new words:
Thesbian: A person who is only sexually attracted to people in the acting community.
Lespian: An actor or actress who works exclusively in homosexual themed theatre and film

3) The new Velvet Revolver CD, Libertad, is pretty damn good! I definitely hear a bit of a Stones influence (Mick & Keith, not Fred & Barney). Interestingly I listened to Libertad and Dream Theater's Systematic Chaos back to back and reveled in both the dirty and raw jangly guitar work of Slash and Velvet Revolver and the much more polished but still hard driving fretwork of John Petrucci and Dream Theater. Listening to the 2 CDs back to back got me to appreciating the wonderful strengths and differences of each band.... Speaking of Velvet Revolver... Did Scott Weiland once have a heroin problem or did Heroin once have a Scott Weiland problem? Discuss amongst yourselves.

4) I really was surprised that Paris Hilton's father didn't run a promotion when his daughter was released... Giving everyone booked at the Paris Hilton on the day of her release a free night. Thus giving a whole new meaning to "Free Paris Hilton."

5) Movie recommendation for y'alls... Return of the Killer Tomatoes. The movie is utterly atrocious to the point where it's actually good. The highlight of the film: a rather young (and mulleted) George Clooney sets up a fake "Win a Date With Rob Lowe" contest passing himself off to several applicants as "the 2nd place prize." Another fun/interesting bit was product placement/endorsements to pay for the movie after they ran out of money (something that was also done in the first Wayne's World -- although somewhat differently, a few years later). John Astin (of Addams Family fame) played the villain and interestingly enough stand-up comic Rick Rockwell (the multi-millionaire from the ill-fated reality TV show, Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire) had a bit part in the movie. Basically it's a pop-cultural treasure trove. There was actually another Killer Tomatoes movie done in the early 90s (The Killer Tomatoes Eat France) with Marc Price (Skippy Handleman on Family Ties) playing the protagonist. The only funny bit about the film was that he was an American visiting France and he lied to the female romantic lead telling her he was Michael J. Fox so she'd be interested. Funnier yet (although quite implausible), she actually believed him.

6) Regarding the bridge collapse in Minneapolis-- I heard some really stupid questions being asked by Wolf Blitzer on CNNlast night-- por ejemplo, "Given the debris in the water, how dangerous are the water rescues?" Oy vey!

It begs the question are the "journalists" asking the questions really that stupid/hungry for their 15 minutes or do they assume the American public is that stupid and feel they're doing us a service by asking rather obvious questions we should certainly already know the answers to because they don't believe we're smart enough to figure these things out for ourselves? Are THEY really that stupid? OR Do they believe WE'RE really that stupid? Are they the idiots or are they really that condescending to insult our intelligence so blatantly? Sometimes it's really tough to tell!

Captivated

This weekend I watched Buster Keaton's The Cameraman and was totally floored by the beauty of his leading lady. I like silent films, I've seen several of them... I wouldn't say a lot but probably more than the average 30 year old... and I never really saw any of the women in those films as beautiful... until Marceline Day:





Both Marceline Day and Buster Keaton said so much with their eyes, with their faces... They said more in their eyes than some actors today say in all the lines in their careers. After finishing the film I looked her up online and found out she retired from the film business in 1934... she was only 26! She'd grown frustrated with a film industry that had relegated her to supporting roles in "B" movies when she'd been a female lead in the "A" movies of the silent film era. She married twice but never had any children. She died in 2000 at the age of 91.

Normally...

Normally I don't let people online get to me...

But today I had to layeth the smacketh down on a closed-minded homphobic Republican... being a Republican myself it REALLY wrankles me when people perpetuate negative stereotypes (intolerance, homophobia, and just being generally judgemental perched atop their ivory towers) This person has claimed in the past she can tell people's intentions/demeanors from reading their hand gestures (thus the first point):

A few points:

1) I know you know that Ellen was pushing her sexuality on the world from reading her hand gestures.

2) I can read bowel movements... yours tell me you're full of shit.

3) Close-minded intolerant people like you make me ASHAMED to be a Republican.... Being a Repblican is supposed to mean getting to know people for who they are as individuals, not making broad sweeping generalizations about them because of their ethnic background, gender, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, or what groups they belong to. There are some people I like and some I don't like... But everyone I either like or dislike I've given a fair chance. They gained or lost my respect on their merits as an individual, not from their ethnic backgrounds, sexual orientations, or genders. What the hell ever happened to that? Other than watching her on TV, you don't truly KNOW Ellen DeGeneres any more than I do, any more than you know anyone else you criticize from your ivory tower. I don't like nor dislike Ellen-- never met her in person. But if I did, I'd give her the same chance I do everyone. I don't like how she hosted the Oscars last night, but they say that's the toughest gig in showbiz and good or bad I've got to give her props for putting herself out there to at least try...

... and on that note, I'm out.

An extrapolation of my previous post

Over on grammy winning singer/songwriter/keyboardist/guitarist Bill Champlin's message board the topic of today's musicians and the longevity of their careers came up. I weighed in with the following:

I think the problem is that the suits in the industry take us for fools. We live in a fast food ADHD culture. If you don't like the current hit, wait 5 minutes, because the next new big thing is already on its way to your favorite ClearChannel radio station.

The music industry takes us for attention-deprived, fast-food fools (they apparently must also think we're deaf if they expect us to enjoy even half the polished turds they pass off as music). Until the industry starts showing its consumers the respect we deserve, we're doomed to drown in a septic tank of the polished turds they keep flushing out at us.

I found it very telling that the RIAA was willing to sue their customers for piracy. I understand and even agree, to some extent, with the legal principles behind what they were doing. But from a marketing standpoint it was one of the biggest mistakes they could have made. Rather than embrace the new technology and use it to their advantage they chose to sue their customers basically flipping us off and saying, "we don't care what you think, we just want your money."

And when it all comes down to it, that's all we are to them. As long as the listening public as a whole continues purchasing their polished turds their hands will be firmly placed on the flushers. We need to cause a septic back-up so instead of polished turds we get Filet Mignons and Tenderloins-- music with meat and chops! Music with (as the Champ himself says), "STUFF."

the state of the entertainment industry...

Is Hollywood really that stupid, or are they so condescending and pretentious that they just believe the rest of the country is that much dumber?

I was reading an article on The Chicago Tribune website about a new radio show starting on Monday Morning on Q101. The article interviewed the head writer for the as-yet unnamed show, Second City vet Michael McCarthy. I found the following bit of the interview to be very interesting:

Q. How will doing a radio show in Chicago be different from the stage show in L.A.?

A. In L.A., if you were going to do a show based entirely upon a week's worth of news, the first thing you had to do was tell the audience the news because they didn't know. In Chicago, people know. People are more informed. ... There's this concept that's drummed into you at Second City: Work at the height of your intelligence and assume that the audience is at least as smart as you.* ... I'm so tired of going into pitch meetings in L.A. and being told, "Hey, I get it. But it's those people in Ohio or the Midwest who won't get it." And then I come home back here and my family goes, "Why is TV so stupid?" So that's the appeal of the radio show, to work at the height of our intelligence. The only other time I was able to do that was "Sesame Street."

Q. How so?

A. Because the goal is so pure. You never talk down to kids, because they sense it immediately. Education being the goal is intimidating but fun. When I first started there, I never realized how much innuendo was part of my writing, so I had to relearn everything. You can't have Oscar going, "Check out Maria. ... "

As an adult I daresay this is a sense I still have. Why have we let the entertainment industry get away with this pretension and condescension for so long? Why do we continue to allow them to talk down to the rest of us?

That being said... as much as I miss Mancow's Morning Madhouse. I am looking forward to the new show...

PS: McCarthy is right about that Oscar/Maria sexual tension.

*emphasis mine