Saturday, October 11, 2008

Coin tosses

Back when he was still doing stand-up, Bill Cosby had a joke about historical coin tosses:

Some of the ones he mentioned:

British vs. Americans 1774
British lose the toss and are forced to wear bright red coats and march out in the open in straight lines. The Americans get to hide in the trees wearing clothes to best conceal their appearance as they practice guerilla hit and run battle tactics.

Custer vs. Sitting Bull 1876
Custer loses the coin toss. His army waits at the bottom of a hill as all the Indians in North America come stampeding over them.

I'd like to add:

French Canadians vs. Americans 1813
Americans lose the coin toss, French Canadians get support of Native Mohawks and 1,630 French Canadians and Mohawks sucessfully stave off an invading force of 4,000 Americans attempting to invade Canada at the Battle of Chateuguay on October 25, 1813. Over 150 years later Mayonaisse companies are still rejoicing in the boon in sales this victory later yielded in the Montreal area alone, let alone the rest of Quebec.

Billy Goat vs. Chicago Cubs 1945
In their first World Series appearance since 1908 the Chicago Cubs forbid a wealthy fan from bringing his Billy Goat to game 1 of the 1945 World Series. The owner of said Billy Goat puts a curse on the Cubs saying that not only would they not win the 1945 World Series, they'd never play in a World Series again... So far the Cubs appear to still be the losers.

Boy Scouts vs. Girl Scouts
Boy Scouts lose the toss, Girl Scouts get to sell a variety of tasty cookies... The Boy Scouts sell overpriced "gourmet" popcorn

George H. W. Bush vs. US Congress 1991
Bush loses the coin toss and is forced to raise taxes breaking a campaign promise leading to his squandering of a 90% approval rating and losing his re-election bid to Bill Clinton.

George Hamilton vs. Robert Duvall 1990
Duvall loses the toss and is replaced in the third and final Godfather installment by the perpetually grinning and tanned George Hamilton. It could be argued that those who paid to see this film also lost as they were subjected to a sub-par excuse for a sequel in what had otherwise been a brilliant series of films.

Sean Young vs. Michelle Pfeiffer 1990
Young loses the coin toss (and arguably her mind) and instead of playing Catwoman in Batman Returns is forced to humiliate herself by showing up dressed as Catwoman in a helicopter to tell Tim Burton that she IS Catwoman. Her career is yet to recover from this lost coin toss.

Al Gore vs. Katherine Harris 2000
Gore loses the coin toss and instead of delivering State of the Union addresses to the American people for the next four years he instead finds himself delivering State of the Union addresses to his bathroom mirror every morning as he shaves.

Democrats vs. Republicans 2008
Republicans lose the coin toss and are forced to run a crotchety old out of touch senator (as opposed to any one of a number of younger, better-spoken, and more "in touch" other candidates) for president against a younger, more appealing and photogenic (albeit inexperienced) Democratic challenger.


Dantallion said...

I really never understood how McCain won - and so effortlessly, no less. It was almost as though Republicans were running away from from themselves as a means of distancing themselves (albeit understandably) from the Bush administration. There's still a month to go, so the race is by no means over. It'll be interesting to see if McCain manages to turn this around. (Personally, I hope not. McCain's out-of-touchness concerns me more than Obama's lack of experience, given the state of the world right now. Perhaps I'm being naive, but I'm hoping Obama will think outside of the box enough to help the US dig itself out of it's current economic and foreign relations hole.)

Perplexio said...

What bothers me about Obama is the people he chooses to associate with. I don't believe that makes him "one of them." That is to say, unlike "Kool-Aid Drinking" Republicans, I don't believe that because he associated at one time with William Ayers that he's a terrorist or because he went to a Church where the reverend was a racist, that makes him one too. However, I do believe it shows him to have questionable judgment of character and causes me concern over the type of people he might select for his cabinet.

Honestly, I think the way McCain/Palin have been going after Obama for his "associations" has been all wrong. Yes it is fair game to question the people he associates with... However, I find them making the claim that because he associates with such people he shares their views to be insulting to the intelligence of not just me but the rest of the voting public not to mention disingenuous and completely misguided.