Wednesday, August 09, 2006

One night stands

Today I was reading one of my favorite blogs over on The Sydney Morning Herald website. The blog author, Sam de Brito was commenting on the pickle many single men of today are in. Granted, being a married man, this isn't an issue that's of direct concern to me, it's more just a curiousity.

To make a long story short (and in as close an approximation as I can get to de Brito's Aussie slang riddled writing style): one of de Brito's mates, a real good stick, had a first date with a girl. They were getting on pretty damn good and it looked like it was headed for a jersey back at his mate's pad. But Sam's mate decided he wasn't sure there was any potential for anything so he decided to go the gallant route and went home alone at about 1 am.

The next day the sheila who set up the date asked de Brito if his mate was a poof. de Brito replied that his mate wasn't looking for anything long term and didn't want to sully his reputation by going the one night stand route even though he was certainly interested in a jersey with the lass.

(does anyone feel like they need a translator?)

At any rate it raises the question-- what's a guy to do, if he goes the one-night stand route he comes off as a bit of a cad and if he goes the gallant route he comes off as being a bit of a poof.

As de Brito himself said in closing:

"you're damned if you do, and you're gay if you don't"

Being a bit of a good stick myself, I never really went the "one night stand" route (it really messed up the whole feng sui of my apartment, I really need 2 nightstands to pull the whole room together. j/k). About the closest I ever came was going the friends with benefits route with an ex-girlfriend several months after we'd split up. And even that didn't really end well. But that's beside the point. I'm more putting this out there for discussion.

If you're really interested in a special sheila and she's really interested in you but you want something more serious than a one-off with her.

Blokes: What is going through your mind? If you do the one night stand thing with her it might ruin the opportunity for something more. And if she turns out to be a right shag, you'll be hating yourself for going the quick and easy route later on. If you do the honorable thing you run the risk of sending the message that either a) you're a poof or b) you're not interested. So what's the easiest way out of this pickle? (and you thought those Physics questions about 2 trains traveling in opposite directions back in high school were difficult!)

Sheilas: What's the easiest way for a bloke to avoid this situation? And for a bloke you don't really know what message are you receiving if it ends up being a one-off? what message are you receiving if things are going really well but he ends up doing the honorable thing and going home alone to get one off the wrist instead?

Discuss amongst yourselves

Current Music: Fleetwood Mac - Go Your Own Way


St. Dickeybird said...

If I don't care about seeing him/her again, I'd go to bed with them asap.
If I might want to see them again, hold off until the second date. This shows restraint and responsibility, and feigns respect.
If I definately want to see them again, I try to sleep with them on the second opportunity, but do a better job in the sack.

As for the "is he gay thing," the 'ive-never-done-this-before-but-you're-so-special' theme seems to work pretty well. Don't be worried about seeming poofy - it can work to your advantage.

Curare_Z said...

Make out with her. If that leads to a one-off, then all the better.

Personally, I was always a little put off by a guy that wanted to shag on the first date. Even if I liked him so much I wanted to. On a first date I don't think you can read into anything too much...people aren't themselves yet.

The Antidote and I basically made out like high schoolers on our first "date" (which wasn't a date, we were with all these friends at a bar). We actually didn't "seal the deal" until a few weeks later.

Lucia said...

Never make assumptions. There are a shitload of assumptions here. That she wants more than a one nighter with the bloke. (Maybe that's what she was after, which would've been a shitter for her if it didn't happen.) That it would've worked or not worked out based on this first night going one way or the other. That the "honorable" thing is to walk. That the bloke isn't a closet poof. And on and on and on and on...

Perplexio said...

Dickeybird: Interesting perspective, maybe some of the single male readers who stumble upon my blog will benefit from your sound advice. :-)

curare_z: My wife & I went at it the first night we met in person but we'd beeen corresponding by email, mail and telephone for about 2 months prior to meeting in person. So the sitch was somewhat different.

One of my exes and I went the make-out route and on the 2nd date we advanced from second base to homerun. Another of my exes and I, what should have been a one-night stand turned into an 18 month nightmare.

lucia: While I agree with and appreciate your advice. Therein lies another issue/problem with it. How's a bloke supposed to know whether or not the lass he's with is the type to make assumptions/jump to conclusions or not that early on? I know the bloke shouldn't assume, and if there were more lasses like yourself who don't make assumptions this would all be a rather moot point. But, unfortunately there are plenty of lasses out there who aren't like you and who will make those assumptions. So how's a bloke to figure out whether or not the lass he's with has already made those assumptions or if she's a more level-headed and less assuming lass like yourself?

The Phoenix said...

As Nike proclaims:

Just Do It.

If it turns out a real relationship can blossom, do it again and again...and again.

Bar Bar A said...

Every situation is different. I've had one night stands with guys I had no intention of becoming involved with (even though they usually called me and wanted to go out again, what can I say).

BUT there were times when I thought that it would ruin the possibility of a good relationship so I held off. Then there was my son's father who I knew immediately that we would have sex that night AND that we would have a long term relationship. You have to follow your instincts.

Keshi said...

I like what Phoenix said :)

btw Perplexio...fair dinkummm maiiite! U r a true-blue Aussie in all spirit ;-) Good work there abt the blokes and the sheilas - I'm chuffed!


Snooze said...

There are still so many male/female stereotypes and in my experience guys do respect women who 'hold out' for a bit. Of course, I have no respect for those guys. When serial killers Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka were caught, the national Canadian newspaper made a big deal out of the fact that they had had sex on their first date. No one wins in our current moral-yet-sex-obsessed society.

tornwordo said...

I can't imagine a woman being turned off by respectful behaviour. Maybe the world really has changed.