Friday, September 03, 2010

"MMMM, Sacrelicious!"

I believe there's an unwritten, mutually understood competition going on between the amusement and theme parks of the world-- not for the best rides (that IS well published after all), but for the unhealthiest food possible.

The common bond to many of these foods is grease.  In fact grease is the main ingredient.  There is probably more to it than just trying to gain recognition for "Novelty Food Item Most Likely to Result in Heart Attack in Single Serving (or less)" It may also be a means for these parks to make their other foods SEEM healthy by comparison.  I mean hot dogs, hamburgers, fried chicken, onion rings, and french fries seem downright healthy when compared to things like fried dough, deep fried cheese on a stick, Deep Fried Pickles, and deep fried (fill in the blank).

It's at the point where I don't believe that the people who come up with these food items are even capable of coming up with healthy food:

Dietician: I think your food needs to be healthier.
Amusement Park Foodie (APF): this 'healthier' you speak of... I'm not familiar with this term.
Dietician: You know, healthy... like vegetables, fish-
APF: We do fish... We have fish sticks deep fried in bacon grease with a Guinness Beer Batter.  They're a real hit on Fridays.
Dietician: Not quite what I mean.  How about veggies?
APF: Vegetables?  We do those too... French Fries, Onion Rings, and one of our most popular items... Sweet Potato Fries with caramel dipping sauce!  Oh and we offer sauerkraut for our brawtwurst.
Dietician: How about Broccoli, Lettuce, Zucchini, Cauliflower, Carrots, Tomatoes-
APF: We have tomato ketchup packets at all of our food locations.  Thank you for reminding me, I'd forgotten about the ketchup.
Dietician (growing increasingly more frustrated): Let's try this a different way-- broccoli
APF: People don't like broccoli.  Heck we even had a president who was famous for not liking broccoli once, didn't we?
Dietician: It's all in the preparation.
APF: I like this, brainstorming... hmm let me think making broccoli more appealing....
Dietician: How about offering salad?
APF: that's just plain crazytalk!  Salad at an amusment park?  Can I have some of whatever you're smoking?
(dietician mumbles something impolite but unintelligible under her breath)
APF (completely oblivious): OH, I've got it!
Dietician: Yes?
APF: We could deep fry the broccoli in a beer batter and then cover it with chocolate sauce!
(dietician walks away in resigned defeat)

No comments: