Saturday, June 07, 2008

On Marriage

Awhile back I pondered whether men are afraid of commitment or just of failure when it comes to marriage.

In the latest issue of Guideposts there's an article on The Secret to 60 Years that kind of extrapolated on the idea I had pondered in that aforementioned blog entry.

The thought of spending the rest of your life with the same person can be a bit overwhelming. Routine gets boring and the fear of losing that "spark" of the romance growing boring is a real one. But that's just it, when you marry someone you aren't spending the rest of your life with the same person. People change, and the person one marries will not be the same in 5 years as he/she was on his/her wedding day any more than that person will be the same at their ten year anniversary as he/she was at his/her 5th anniversary.

Life is an adventure and it is about the journey, not the destination. After all, we're all bound for the same general destination and our lives are made richer not by getting there but by HOW we get there.

My wife & I got married the same year my parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary, her parents have been together for over 30 years, so between our two sets of parents we have over 80 years of marriage to live up to, and two relationships to learn from on our own journey through life together.

I remember a discussion we had on our honeymoon, my wife mentioned she didn't know what I expected of her as a wife. My answer was simple and remains the same as it did then-- I have no expectations. I'm as new to this marriage as she is, it's not about expectations, it's not even about the challenges we face. It's about how we face those challenges together and learn and grow from them.

So, is the prospect of marriage near as daunting, near as scary when you take into consideration that you, much like your chosen mate will change over time? The people you are now, are not the people you will be on your first anniversary let alone your fifth, tenth, or even (if health and circumstances allow) your fiftieth. There is as much adventure in learning and watching each other grow and change as there is in the journey itself. That person won't just be your spouse, that person will be your companion on the journey of life so do choose wisely but also savor and enjoy the choice you make and the journeys you travel together.


Barbara(aka Layla) said...

Excellent words of wisdom. I am glad you and your wife found each other.

Snooze said...

You have the best attitude.

The Phoenix said...

Now that nearly 60% of marriages end in divorce, I think many have lost your idealism about that "lifetime commitment."

Susan as herself said...

Sounds great---but I agree with the phoenix---I am not sure how many people share your ideas and attitude. Sad, but true. Still, wouldn't it be great if all marraiges were like that? And not just marraiges, but all commitments of any kind?

Brice said...

You're a smart man, Perplexio.