Thursday, July 19, 2007

Thursday Cop-Out Blog

Snarfed from Herr Dickeybird:

1. Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog?
Actually I go to the grocery store as incognito as possible so as not to be recognized/associated with those FBI photos of me at the local Post Office.

2. Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered?
Not usually, although I once photoshopped Gene Simmons tongue onto a picture of a kitten then I photoshopped the kitten onto a toilet seat with rather psychedelic looking toilet water. That was the pinnacle of my Photoshopping talents.

3. Do you like it when creeps or dorks email you?
They don't, although I do get many emails from the barristers and solicitors of long lost relatives in Africa that are trying to get me my vast inheritance. And I do get spam on myspace from singles groups/clubs... do they pay ANY attention to the part of my profile where I indicate that I'm MARRIED?!?! Apparently not.

4. Do you lie in your blog?
No, I don't find it comfortable at all and the one time I tried I woke up and had a really sore back. So I tend to lie in bed, or sometimes on the sofa on a Saturday afternoon.

5. Are you passive-aggressive in your blog?
I don't post often enough to be passive, aggressive or passive-aggressive for that matter.

6. Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop?
Why would I do a fool thing like that? Sounds like a sad misguided plea for attention.

7. Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping?
No, but sometimes I lie on my couch and speak to an empty chair positioned next to me about my problems.

8. Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones?
Often the mean ones are the most creative. I give props to those who are creatively mean. Although I do ask that anyone who is going to be mean to me, at least put some effort into it. Any brain-dead moron can lob swears at me, I've heard them all before. If you're going to be mean and really insult me give me something with meat on it... be original, be creative... Just don't waste my time and your time with pithy generic blatherings, I'll just ignore them anyway.

9. Have you ever rubbed one out while reading a blog? How about after?
I know "rubbed one out" generally refers to masturbation but to me it sounds more like it should refer to taking a shit. I've never done either of those things while reading a blog. While magazine articles work as TP in a pinch, a laptop computer does not.

10. If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less?
Don't bloody well know. I haven't met enough of my readers to make a strong assessment on this.

11. Do you have a job?
Yes, don't you? I'm an interpreter for bad mimes. What do you do?

12. If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it?
No. Blogging is a hobby. If I were being paid for it, it would be too much like work. I blog to ESCAPE life and work and what not. I don't want to associate work with blogging so no I'd never take a job blogging (unless the pay and benefits were really good-- I mean I do have a price).

13. Which blogger do you want to meet in real life?
Most of them actually-- especially my Canuck blogging friends-- Snooze, Dantallion, and Dickeybird... And on the US front Susan, Barbara, David Amulet, and Phoenix

14. Which bloggers have you made out with?
None. My wife doesn't blog and when I started my first blog my wife and I had already started dating so I don't think she'd take to kindly to me making out with any bloggers. But... "Hey, how YOU doin'?" ;-)

15. Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have?
My wife & I tend to keep our financial sitch rather private. Not that it's bad nor good. We just don't feel it's anyone's business but ours. So we don't act either way. We just try to be tactful about how we spend what money we do have when we're out with our friends.

16. Does your family read your blog?

17. How old is your blog?
This blog? I think it's about 18 months old. My original blog is 5 years old as of this month.

18. Do you get more than 1000 page views per day? Do you care?
No. No.

19. Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar?
I have 3 blogs, but none of them are secret and the content from blog to blog is rather consistent. I tend to post the same entries here as I do on myspace and livejournal. I have different audiences on those blogs so I tend to post the same on all blogs as a matter of convenience for my different readers. So my readers don't have to hunt down my entries here or on Livejournal (and vice versa). I don't want them to waste their time but at the same time I don't want them to think they're missing anything that other blogger friends of mine are privy to. There are exceptions but they are few and far betwixt.

20. Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing?
No. Why would I do a fool thing like that?

21. Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes?
No, I don't earn money from blogging. And if I did, I'd only report it on my taxes if I were legally required to do so. I do believe that if I made less than a certain amount I wouldn't be required to report my earnings. I don't know what that amount is, however.

22. Is blogging narcissistic?
For some it surely is. Not for me... It's pure hobby, nothing more.

23. Do you feel guilty when you don’t post for a long time?
Not guilty, but as a courtesy to those who do check my blog from time to time I do try to forewarn people if I forsee an extended absence from blogging so you guys don't waste your time checking to see whether or not I've updated it. If you're reading this you obviously do check from time to time. And those who don't check obviously aren't going to read this so it doesn't much matter.

24. Do you like John Mayer?
He's not a bad guitarist, but I don't care for his singing voice. It sounds rather generic. And that song he has about fathers being good to daughters annoys me because the lyrics seem rather "common sense" to me. Songs with lyrics pontificating what should be common sense to make it sound profound just seem overly pretentious to me.

Although I do plan to write a spoof of his "Your Body is a Wonderland" song my wife already gets annoyed with me whenever it comes on the radio and I sing it as "Your Mommy owns a Taco Stand."

25. Do you have enemies?
No, nor do I have high colonics... Wait you said "enemIES"! My bad!

26. Are you lonely?
Not in a long time, although my imaginary friend is... ever since I stopped hanging out with him. He wanted me to ask you if you'd hang out with him?

27. Why bother?
No it's "Oh Bother!" And it was frequently uttered by Winnie the Pooh! Although I think if my surname were a synonym for fecal matter I'd lean more towards saying "why bother?" too!


Snooze said...

Your answers are great, but I especially love the one to #8. That and the Joey reference in #14. The next time you're in Toronto for work we will have a small blogger meet. But make sure it's in warmish weather so Dantallion can bike over.

Awareness said...

I didn't know "rubbed one out" referred to masturbation. Amazing what one learns while visiting blogs.

Loved your answers too. may I say you have a Canadian-like sense of humour, eh?

The Phoenix said...

You need to record your spoof of "Your Body is a Wonderland." I actually snorted when I red "Your Mommy owns a Taco Stand."

I think we'd get along quite well if we met in person as well.

In my next podcast, I'm going to play a spoof I did of the Bud Lights "Real Men of Genius" Ads.

I wish I had Weird Al's job.

Janet said...

I never, ever think about seeing someone from the blog when I go someplace. I think it's funny when people say that they do. I guess I just don't have a lot of readers from NJ.

Dantallion said...

Your answers? Priceless. You sure you're not really Canadian?

David Amulet said...

Wow. That's a lot about blogging. I love your answers--most of which I agree with!!

-- david