There is a foul stench emanating from the deep dark vestiges of my 1991 Toyota Corolla. I've read the online tips, the "Hints from Heloise," "Advice from Ardyce," "Suggestions from Seamus," and various other household tips which are ever so ubiquitous on the Internet.
1) Replace the Air Freshener.
An overpowering pine-tree scent which nearly knocked me out from its sheer strength and lasted all of fifteen minutes before the demon stench of my car was able to chew up that smell and spit it right out the window.
2) Leave small container of vinegar open in the car overnight. The vinegar will absorb the odor.
NO, the vinegar will give me an incredibly irresistible jones for French Fries doused with a generous layer of vinegar... Oh and when the vinegar was removed the overpowering dank and musty/mildewy smell quickly returned and staled not just the smell of my car but also that intense jones for French Fries that the vinegar had caused me to develop.
3) Sprinkle baking soda on the upholstery. Wait 15 minutes and vaccum it up.
Note to self: Dustbusters do NOT like baking soda. After trying to vaccum the driver's seat the dustbuster started screaming "UNCLE" and summarily died on me. The baking soda DID help reduce the stench somewhat but because the dustbuster quit on me before I could finish vaccuming it up-- my car looks like Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston used my car for a weekend coke bender and somehow forgot the location of their noses.
4) Place dryer sheets behind the driver's and passenger seats.
This may or may not actually be working, the net seemed to indicate it could take awhile before I'd be able to notice the results from this. My olfactories do not like nor do they agree with that grim prognosis.
5) Spray the car vigorously with de-odorizing spray.
From top to bottom, the upholstery, dashboard, floormats, under the floormats, under the seats, even the ceiling has been sprayed. This seems to have worked for the front of the car. Although the stench is still present in the back of my car. I also tossed a stronger air freshener under the driver's seat.
6) Hire an old priest, a young priest, a rabbi, and a proctologist (isn't this how most of the jokes in the Western World start out?).
The proctologist put on a rubber glove and stuck a couple fingers up the car's exhaust pipe seeing if he could determine anything. The old priest and the young priest started sprinkling holy water throughout the inside of the car. And the rabbi-- after thorough examination he determined my car was not kosher. Apparently he was able to deduce the previous owner of my car in addition to being a smoker drank triple mocha-lattes to wash down his ham & cheese bagels for breakfast every morning on the way too and from work.
Any other suggestions? anyone? anyone?