Thursday, December 27, 2012

Fatherhood again

I'm going to be a Dad again... I've known this for awhile.  For whatever reason it's only started to become real to me over the course of the final trimester of my wife's pregnancy.  Over the first two trimesters it all seemed more abstract or possibly surreal.

They say each pregnancy is different and while our experiences with our daughter the first time around will serve as guidelines, I've also heard from other parents of two (or more) that we may as well forget what we learned the first time around as much of that will not end up being true with our son.

With our daughter we were surprised.  We didn't find out until the day she was born that we were having a little girl.  We had narrowed the possible names down to 2 possible boy names and 2 possible girl names.  This time around we opted to find out.  In August we learned we're having a boy.  We've got a name picked out (with 2 possible back-ups just in case we don't think our name fits him).  Our daughter has already started referring to him as "Alex" so I'm pretty sure we're having a little Alexander.

For some reason I feel more nervous this time around.  I'm experiencing the difference between "unknown unknowns" (with my daughter) and "known unknowns" (with my son).  One would think that knowing how much my life is about to change (having been through it before) would make things easier but for some reason I think it's given me a worse case of nerves.  I think it's due to the reality of how much my life changed when my daughter was born far exceeding my imagination.

As the father of a little girl, I've felt like not just a parent but a protector and a benchmark.  I try to treat my wife how I would want my daughter's eventual husband/partner to treat her.  I want to be a positive male presence in her life.  
I know I'm not supposed to, but with a son I take the "benchmark" portion more seriously.  I am the man my son will likely try to emulate.  I'm no longer merely the benchmark for some stranger my daughter probably hasn't even met yet and likely won't meet for several years, I'm going to be the example that will guide my son's behavior.

I'm also wary of how my relationship with my son will change my relationship with my daughter.  I've got a great relationship with my little "Daddy's Girl."  I don't want that to change...  Any opportunity my wife has given us for daddy/daughter time I've taken her up on and treasured every moment.  My wife & I have both said we're going to give each other plenty of opportunities for one on one time with both of our kids.  I don't want to deprive my son of the same one on one time that his sister has enjoyed over the past 3 and a half years, but at the same time I don't want to short change my daughter.  She's had me wrapped around her little finger from the moment she was born and while she knows she's about to have a baby brother, I seriously doubt she fully understands the implications.  I want to make this as smooth a transition for her as possible.

1 comment:

TAD said...

Hey Plex! Congratulations! Really! Very brave!
It's true that things change from 1 kid to another. Stuff my wife & I were all nervous about with our son we hardly even thought about by the time our daughter showed up 3 years later. Stuff we panicked about with our son we took as normal with our daughter. Perhaps as a result of this, my son is a little nervous & jittery & my daughter is the grounded well-balanced one. Interesting how all this works out. You'll learn a lot about yourself, that's for sure.
Expecting more updates....