Wednesday, August 30, 2006

"Hot chemistry... or a sustainable relationship"

In today's Sam & the City blog posting, Samantha Brett breached an interesting topic on chemistry vs. sustainable relationship. Normally I just read Samantha Brett & Sam de Brito's blogs over on the Sydney Morning Herald website, but today I felt compelled to respond to Samantha's blog posting:

Before I met my wife I was in a head-over-heels, totally devoted relationship with a girl for about 8 months. The sparks flew from the start.

But what I noticed in that relationship and others I've been in, the relationships that start out as bonfires are usually the ones in which the passion burns out the fastest.

With my wife, we started out as friends and laid the foundation for something more. The passion and love grew from that passion. We didn't start out with a bonfire, we started out with a spark which we've nurtured into a steady burning fire. We have our ups and downs but I think we weather them far better than we'd be able to had we started out with an over-the-top, gushing, bonfire romance.

Maybe it's just me, but I noticed the earlier and hotter the fire burns for someone... the quicker that fire burns out.

Maybe the issue is that with our fast-food culture we want instant gratification. We want "fast-food" results in our love lives too. And true love isn't a fast-food prospect. Lust is the "fast-food" of relationships. It's intensely satisfying for an incredibly brief span of time. The kind of love that lasts, takes time to prepare and cook and rather than be shared in a handful of frantic wild chandelier-swinging mattress gymnastics real true and lasting love should be cultivated and savored over time.

Current Music: Supertramp - Take the Long Way Home


St. Dickeybird said...

Well said. I couldn't agree more.

BarBarA said...

Great observation and I agree. In my experience the relationships that start out with tons of sparks and a huge bonfire are usually more related to infatuation than actual love. For me, getting to know a person from the inside out has helped overcome that "love at first site" thing I tended to do when I was younger. Still waiting for Mr. Right but I think he's worth waiting for.

Curare_Z said...

Yes, very well said. Although, I will admit...when I first met the Antidote, the fire burned pretty intensely. Now it's calmed down to a bonfire. :-) But, then again, I'm a passionate person who really loves and really hates and has trouble with the in-betweens.

tornwordo said...

Rings true for me and my experience. Although with spouse I found a happy medium. Cautious entry into the relationship and refusal to let myself even go to a head over heels stage (because of past hurts) helped us forge a friendship at the same time. I still think the trick was this: We decided not to talk about the future and treat our attraction as something temporary. From there, a more healthy partnership bloomed. Now, 13 years later and married, we do talk about the future.

Dantallion said...

Slow but steady wins the race. My older brother met a girl in school. They dated for a bit, then became friends. He went of to university in other city, as did she. Years later they ran into each other by pure chance at a party, rekindled their friendship, and now have one of the best marriages I've ever seen, complete with two great kids.

The Phoenix said...

I love fire.

Jeff said...

Very well put. When I first met my current girlfriend whom I've been dating for four years I had no intentions of dating her. We were just very good friends and eventually for some reason I decided that maybe I should try to take it to the next step. We already had a good relationship before we dated and now it is even stronger. It didn't start off with intensity and in the end turned out to be a very passoinate and great relationship.

Susan as herself said...

I TOTALLY agree. My best relationships (I am unmarried) have always been based on friendship first. No contest.

Keshi said...

**the relationships that start out as bonfires are usually the ones in which the passion burns out the fastest.

thats so true. Cos it's basically based on lust and not so much of love.


Anonymous said...

Hi Perplexio,

Thanks for your kind comments and for reading my blog. I enjoy your blog too.

All the best,
Sam and the City